Hibari Kyoya Annoyance Program
by Shinigami Maria
Summary: Warning: Do not attempt at home.  Failure to abide by this rule may cause severe injury.   18xOC  Possibly may turn into an M fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Hibari Kyoya Annoyance Program**

**Disclaimer: I do not own this anime**

**A/N: My prompt? A list I found on Quizzila****TM ****entitled "How to annoy Hibari Kyoya." I won't be doing all of them, and I might tinker with some of the order and words, not to mention add my own, but I hope you enjoy this nonetheless.**

**Chapter 1: Steal hibird and replace it with a mini bucket of KFC.**

Nanami Riiko was bored. She had recently transferred three months ago to Namimori Middle and found it to be an interesting school. With boys that carry dynamite and silver hair, plus boys that run around really fast shouting, "TO THE EXTREME!" after each and every sentence—heck, he even shouted it when he wasn't saying anything(did that make sense?)—not to mention boys who ran around in their boxers shouting "Reborn!", raven haired optimistic boys who were impossibly good at baseball and her personal favorite, talking babies—but no, not today. Today, everything was calm.

The silver haired teen who had always carries dynamite with him, no matter where you searched his body, had cut class, probably to visit his sick "Juudaime"—she had heard that his name was Gokudera Hayato—and the small, brown haired boy that reminded her of a mouse had called in sick and was in the hospital—and that meant that the baby that was always with him would not be present either.

The optimistic baseball player had an intra-school baseball competition and was also gone, leaving her in an un-interesting class. There was also no faint echo of "EXTREME!" in the school, since the boxing captain—Sasagawa Ryohei, as she'd heard—also had an intra-school competition. She sighed. Truly, this was going to be an event-less day.

Finally, just as the raven haired girl was about to fall asleep, the bell rang, therefore announcing the start of the lunch period. She sighed, standing up and bowing as soon as the traditional "Stand" and "Bow" was heard.

Now, just as she was about to reach for the white plastic bag beside her chair, she spotted something yellow from the corner of her eye, and she turned to see a yellow bird flying next to the window. She tilted her head to the side, and it landed on the window ledge, imitating her action, and staring at her with its beady black eyes.

She opened the window and stuck her finger out as a gesture for it to land on it, not really thinking that it would accept the gesture and just fly away. The students began to tense as they saw that it was Hibird, renowned pet of the ever fearsome Hibari Kyoya, in the hands of the equally fearsome Nanami Riiko.

How did a seemingly sweet girl such as Riiko end up being dubbed as "fearsome" you ask? Well, by the fact that she is hard to entertain, and many people actually find that they're pulled into trying to entertain her just to be able to brag about being able to entertain her. Rumors say that she has killed people just to entertain herself—though that hasn't happened…yet.

Going back, Riiko suddenly had an idea. She looked from Hibird back to the bag containing a mini bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken© she had bought on her way to school completely on impulse. She grinned a grin that could put the Cheshire cat, Rasiel and Belphegor combined to shame, making the tense room become even more tense.

She grabbed the plastic bag and set Hibird on her head, grabbing a random bento on her way out, though the owner made no such movement of stopping her, since he was too afraid of what would happen. Yes, I said HE.

Now, as she neared the prefect's lair—ahem, I mean, RECEPTION ROOM, she looked around for any signs of life; there were none, and so she proceeded with taking out the mini bucket of chicken from the plastic bag and setting it on his desk, giggling inwardly, and plucking a feather from hibird, to which it fluttered its wings wildly, but stayed on her head. She could have sworn that the bird really did want her to prank its owner.

She laid the chicken pieces on his table, assembling it so that it resembled a whole bird. She doubted that the prefect would be dumb enough to believe it, but you never know, right? It MIGHT just be entertaining—as well as painful, but she couldn't help wanting to be entertained, ne? (*cough* she's crazy *cough* *cough*) (*insert glare from Riiko here*)

She swiftly exited the premises afterwards, taking the evidence—a.k.a. the plastic bag and the bucket—with her to burn. She snickered to herself, pausing in her step, taking a mini camera she had JUST had with her in a complete coincidence and connecting it to a dark corner where no one would notice it, and hurried—without running—back to class.

Luckily for her, the next period happened to be free period, due to the teacher being absent. She laughed maniacally in her mind; this was going too smoothly. She took out her phone, to which no one dared apprehend her for, since they were all too afraid of her—especially since she had a crazy grin on her face—and opened a special program she had downloaded.

An office appeared on the screen, the reception room to be exact, and as if on cue, there appeared her target. Hibari Kyoya stalked into the room with bloody tonfas, probably from previously biting someone to death.

The thought of being bitten to death by the prefect made her grin falter, but it came back out as he spotted the fried chicken on his desk, next to the yellow feather that she had plucked from Hibird, who was now on her shoulder, watching the screen with concentrated beady eyes.

She noted how he tilted his head to the side, his expression unreadable. It all happened in a flash, and something happened that made Riiko happy that she had been recording the whole spectacle. She held back laughter as the raven haired teen's face twisted in what looked like horror, and his eyes rolled back into his head as his eyes closed and his whole frame came crashing down to the ground.

She clutched her stomach, snickering, and when she was sure she couldn't hold it back anymore, she rushed out of the classroom with her phone, Hibird hanging on for dear life on her shoulder as she streaked down the hallways and into the girls bathroom. No one stopped her, of course.

Once there, she began laughing her ass off, and as if on cue, the so-dubbed-president was groggily walking by that certain place, quirking an eyebrow to the sound of laughter, and a vein popping on his temple as he realized that the girl inside was probably laughing about the spectacle that had transpired in his office. That would explain the mini spy camera he had found in a dark corner.

He didn't even hesitate for a second as he stalked into the girls' toilet, making Riiko pause and gawk at him, before she grinned, and snapped a few pictures of him and hiding her cellphone in her bra. Of course, the prefect narrowed his eyes at this in disgust, NOW how would he get ahold of the blasted piece of technology!

He shook it off, raising his tonfas in a battle position. "I'll bite you to death for killing my pet," he snarled, charging at her. She yelped, ducking as a tonfa struck at the space where her head was previously. She saw an opening in between his legs, tried to slide between them, but the prefect seemed to notice this and closed his legs on her waist.

He straddled her, and suddenly, he noticed a flash from the side. There he saw Hibird fluttering in the air with a mini camera strapped to its little yellow body. He gaped at the bird, and the raven haired girl took that time to punch his crown jewels hard, to which he gasped, falling to the side.

She laughed as she took pictures of him wriggling on the ground, ducking out the door and running back to her classroom, leaving the prefect to writhe on the ground and glare at his pet. "Traitor," he snarled, curling into a fetal position.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Get him to play Truth or Dare with you and when he says 'dare' tell him to become your personal slave for a month+ Put him in a bunny suit and take lots of pictures for black mail+** **Refer to him as Sadist-san.**

**((Aww, sorry for the late update guys…I really hate school…)) ((Halloween is coming up, so I plan to fit it into the next chapter, cause I was working on this for three weeks—yeah, I feel pathetic—so I don't know if it will work out…maybe for the next chapter…*bites tongue to keep from spilling*—don't know how long that will go on for….*sighs*)) ((sooo, yeah, I realize you don't want to read my jibberish, you want to read the crack fic, yes? Yes! So, please go ahead and: No own, no sue, no money/I realize Kyoya is too OOC in this, just let it go…./review, but please, no flames….well…maybe a few, nut not anything too harsh…I suck at coping with flames, and I might just go on hiatus if I see a review I don't like…soooooooyeah….))**

It was Monday again, and as you've guessed, Riiko was bored once again, although this time the entertaining boys were in school. They were just being not entertaining today.

Sawada Tsunayoshi was staring off into space, probably sleeping inside. Gokudera Hayato had cut class again that day which intrigued her a tad bit since he wasn't there protecting his precious "Juudaime." Again, she still wondered about that title. What was Sawada Tsunayoshi "tenth" of? Anyways, Yamamoto Takeshi was sleeping behind a standing book, and as she could see from her seat in beside the window and in front of Sawada Tsunayoshi, the third year Sasagawa Ryohei was doing laps in the courtyard with a serious expression.

She sighed, staring at the blackboard and but not really reading the words on it. She looked at the teacher, and settled for playing mind games with the woman. She looked straight into the blonde's eyes, and said woman flinched, feeling as if something was stabbing her inner soul and mind repeatedly.

She became tense, and the raven haired girl continued to stare—though it looked (read: felt) more like a glare now—into those annoyingly dull brown orbs, irritated. This game was not pleasing her entertainment needs. She needed something more fun, something that will challenge her brain, and give her a sense of accomplishment. And then, that ominous yellow color caught her eye again, and she pouted inwardly as she saw that the bird no longer held the camera she had strapped to it. What a waste…Well, at least the memory card was connected to her main computer. She had downloaded them last night and made multiple copies for blackmail.

She grinned evilly—another grin that would put the Cheshire Cat, Rasiel and Belphegor to shame—and opened the door for her little sidekick, to which it chirped, flying in. Hibird nestled itself in her hair, and suddenly, as if the bird served as a personal light bulb for her, Riiko had an idea.

The whole class shivered at her grin and snickers, but tried their best to ignore it and just go on with their lesson, because only Kami-sama really knows what that girl truly was capable of when angered.

It was lunch time, and after denying an invitation from Sasagawa Kyoko and Kurokawa Hana to lunch on the roof top with them, she set off for the Reception room, stopping by the Drama club to borrow a few costumes for her little prank. Beside her, Hibird fluttered, watching her with a glint in its beady black eyes.

Once she reached Reception room, she threw the door open with a grin. "Sadist-chan, asobimasho*?" she said cheerfully, to which said teen paused whilst in the midst of briefing some of the members of the Disciplinary Committee on their duties. Speaking of which, they all started at her with wide eyes and mouths, after all, not everybody had the audacity to call their president a sadist, even less would put "chan" behind it, and they just KNEW no one would want to "play" with him. (*= "shall we play?" It is mostly used by children.)

To say that Kyoya was piqued would have been an understatement as he was eye-twitchingly-pissed-off. He glared at her, one eye twitching, and got into a battle stance, tonfas in hand. "You," he snarled. "You will pay for what you did to me yesterday."

She grinned wickedly at this, crossing her arms. "How sweet," she said mockingly. "You remember me." He growled at this, charging, and she hissed in pain as his tonfa connected with her arm. _'All according to plan,' _she thought, inwardly grinning.

The sickening sound of bone breaking was heard, and the raven haired prefect straightened, looking at her smugly, while his committee members looked pitifully at the girl, who was clutching her bleeding arm. "Still think you should mess with me, herbivore?" he asked, smirking at her.

A frown formed on the girl's mouth, oh how she wanted to wipe that smug look on his face. "Hmph," she huffed. "No, but I propose a challenge." This piqued the prefect's curiosity, and he looked at her with eyes that said, "Go on."

"Very well then," she said, pausing to glare at the unwanted people in the room, who flinched. This was the first time they had met someone who had an equally intense glare as their president, and it was a girl, no less. "But first, THEY must leave." She jabbed a finger in the direction of the other prefects.

The raven haired male looked back at them, and waved a hand in the air, dismissing them. They all gawked at him, reluctantly shuffling out as soon as the prefect directed his glare at them. Both glares were simply too much to take.

Once they were out, Riiko smiled menacingly, clapping her hands together, which sent a jolt of pain in her left arm, but she kept her poker face on. She heard the door close, and walked towards one of the leather couches, crashing down on one of them, and looking back at the annoyed prefect, who was glaring daggers at her for sitting willy-nilly on his couch. It was HIS couch dammit, and she didn't even ask permission to sit on it!

"What is your challenge, herbivore?" he sighed, crashing down on the sofa in front of her for he obviously did not want to crowd the couch she was sitting on already, because he was just that awesome. "And you had better make this good, or I will bite you to death."

"Well," she began. "I'm sure you are as equally bored as I am in this currently-event-less school, so I propose that we play a game." She let that set in, before looking at him.

He snorted. "THAT'S your challenge?" he said, raising his tonfas. "You have wasted enough of my time, herbivore. Now I demand you hand me the pictures you took of me last week and get out of the Reception room this instant."

She smiled sweetly at him, a sickly sweet fake smile he knew all too well. It was the same type of smile that that pineapple bastard, Rokudo Mukuro—the mere thought of his name made bile rise to his mouth—always had on. "Ah, but that is where you are mistaken, dear carnivore," she purred in a coaxing voice. He was almost tempted to bend to her wishes. That was how she was able to bend other herbivores, heck even omnivores, but she will not be able to do anything to this carnivore. At least that's what he tried to console himself with, but little by little, he was bending to her will on the inside.

"What is it that I have mistaken?" he asked irritably, quirking an eyebrow. She nodded in thanks.

"This game is no ordinary game. It will be a classic game but with a twist." She leant back to make it seem like she was looking down at him. He did not like that look one bit. It was the same look he gave his prey before he bit them to death. "The game will be Truth or Dare, but with a twist. Both of us must collect points by answering truths and doing dares. The one that is left with the most accumulated points wins, and will be allowed to do anything to the loser, the prey."

He licked his lips at her choice of words, but listened as she continued. "Truths that are not answered will add to the opponent's points, so are dares that are not completed. The time limit for the game is until summer break, which is one month from now. Dares should not posses any violent nature, thus one may not dare another to hit his or her self, am I clear, Hibari-sempai?"

He nodded at this, crossing his arms and eye brows furrowing. No violent nature? There went all the dares he had thought of so far. She shook her head, predicting that he had only thought of violent dares. "I shall start then, since what you have thought of so far have obviously been invalidated," she suggested, to which the other grimaced, but agreed.

"Then, which will it be?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow at him. He growled at her and chose truth, but then she sighed. "As I thought," she murmured gravely, to which he raised an eyebrow. "You are too afraid of choosing dare."

A vein pulsed in his head, and he hastily switched his choice to dare on an impulse, ignoring the fact that his common sense was blaring alarms in his head, telling him to switch back to truth. Another Cheshire Cat-esque grin appeared on Riiko's face as she heard this, but he paid no heed as his mind was far too hazed his with competitiveness to even care.

"Then, I dare you to become my slave for a month," she said, to which he scowled.

"Rejected," he said curtly. "My turn—"

"Wait!" she said, intercepting him. He glared at her for that, but she continued. "If you don't do the dare, it means that I get a point." In his mind, gears started turning, something clicked, and he glared at her.

"I will become your slave," he said, leaning back and crossing his arms. "But only for no more than a week." She grinned at the offer, nodding in acceptance.

"Then," he said, grinning darkly. "Which will you choose?"

"Truth," she spat immediately, to which he grimaced.

"Is it that you are too afraid of choosing dare?" She shook her head.

"No," she said slowly. "I'm just merely smart enough not to get persuaded to choose something that could endanger my life."

"Now," she said, purring like a tiger, about to pounce on its kill. "Which will you choose?"

"Truth," he said immediately, to which she smiled.

"I say you choose dare," she said smugly, and he scowled.

"And why say you that?" he asked irritably. Obviously, he wasn't one to be told what to do.

"On the grounds that YOU agreed to be my servant for the week," she said smugly, leaning back with crossed arms.

He glared at her, scowling, and leaned back. Slowly, he leant forward, curious of what she could possibly make him do. She leant in too, whispering her dare slowly into his ear. You could see his eyes widen as his jaw fell slack as he listened. And when she was finally done, all he could say in a distorted mumble was: "Oh. My. God."

Dostthoureallywanttofindout?OMGBasiltalkXD

A few hours of coaxing, commanding, explosions (insert more catastrophic damage here but not to the school of course) a very unfortunate Hibari Kyoya stepped out of the closet clad in a pink bunny outfit.

He glared at Riiko who looked like she was holding in laughter and utterly failing. "You," he snarled, his voice seething, and apparently that was all he was going to say because he was just that awesome, and he couldn't think of anything bad but still allowed on school grounds to say. See what happens when you love the school too much?

Ah, but at least the raven haired female was enjoying herself. She had a clip on video camera stuck to her collar, which—when he noticed it—Kyoya destroyed. She shrugged, knowing that the information was already in her computer at home, ready for blackmail use anytime.

Life was good.


End file.
